Where will he find me?

Perhaps it is the fond memory I have of Pride and Prejudice running constantly on our t.v. screen; or my fascination with history, antiques, and fashion through the decades and centuries; or my romantic side that is charmed by the knight with his British accent and his gentlemanly bow. Whatever it is, I have an obsession with the genre of period drama. I adore the gowns and the music and the dancing, and the drama. The heroines have nothing better to do than catch a husband, the more money the better. And if he happens to be Papa's heir, who could ask for more. You would never have to move out and when he dies, you become master and mistress of the entire property. (My most recent find is Downtown Abbey - the entire season is about the family's hunt for a proper husband for the eldest daughter, since her fiance and the heir to her father's estate drowned on the Titanic.)

I was on a quest to find a new period drama to add to my list of "seen" when I came across a blog (I can't remember which one) and I found this quote:

"A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man should have to chase Him to find her."

- C. S. Lewis -

A few thoughts went through my head. That's so romantic. What a beautiful twist on a philosophy that has been repeated to me over and over through my life (and which I hold to). Oh dear. Where would he find me?

School had just ended, graduation was over. Each interview ended in "I'm sorry, we hired someone else." I was still exhausted from the countless nights of three or four hours of sleep, and sometimes none at all. Friends I graduated with moved home to begin the next stage of their lives - engagement, marriage, careers. Where was I? My college town with no prospects.

Where would he find me?

Wallowing in self-pity.

If only I had a job, at least I'd know there was going to be another paycheck coming.

If only I had a boyfriend, I'd have someone to potentially share my future with.

If only friends hadn't left.
If only...

Where would he find me?

Beneath piles of research papers and stacks of text books.

I hadn't opened my Bible for weeks, maybe months (except to write my personal belief statement for school). I was falling asleep reading Critical Issues in American Religious History rather than my Bible and waking up with only enough time to dress, wash my face and brush my teeth before racing out the door to be a couple minutes late to my first class.

After school, even reading my Bible seemed too much work for my eyes and my brain.

I reread the quote:

"A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man should have to chase him to find her."

Then I re-arranged it.

My heart should be so close to God that my beloved will have to chase Him to find me.

Where will he find me?

Same college town. Still looking for another job (I have a part time, but could use another one). Living with my best friend (who has always been here listening graciously and compassionately to my whining).

Where will he find me?

Actively seeking God because it is my duty and joy as a child of God's and follower of Jesus Christ.

I thought I could just coast through my faith while I was waiting for the spiritual leader of my life. But the man I envision wouldn't want me if he did all the work and I got to cruise along through life trusting that he had the spiritual side of things under control with God. He will want a woman who share his beliefs because they are true, not simply because he believes them. He will want a woman who can support him and he can support her, and together they will grow in their faith.

So the pity party is over and hopefully anyone will see my heart as close to God as it can be.

(This could be overkill, but I just really like this quote):

"A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man should have to chase Him to find her."
-C.S. Lewis